In this one I will go back to the basic. I DO believe in experimenting and learning through experience as it talks louder that words. That's the way I learn the best, but I do realize that people need to "know" in order to take a first step to a new thing - specially if it towards something like self-help treatment. We need to know what it's like or what it is about. So here I will go quickly over the Principles Of Family Constellations in order to understand better our way of life. Bert Hellinger took these principles from the Zulu in the 80's and expand it into his theories. And he hated when it was called "therapy". For a good reason.
Principles Of Family Constellations: Belonging, Order and Balance of Giving and Taking
1) Acknowledgement of What Is at the present moment AS IT IS. Acknowledge what was before now - Without any judgment or assumption. Sounds a bit like "the force" and it is in someways. This principle talks about the movement of the spirit in life it self. The higher conscience.
2) The Principle of Belonging: All souls EQUALLY BELONG to their system. Those who live, lived and those who died (including abortions, still born babies). No one can be excluded from a system they belong to, and breaking this guiding systemic principle will eventually cause other “entanglements” (difficulties) in the system and will weaken it. The "natural flow of life and love" is broken therefore these entanglements will be manifested by other living members of the system who will take upon theirselves the "exclusion". An example of this that appear in constellations can be a child who is willing to take an illness or other difficulty such as "mental problems" of that someone who was being excluded from the system they belong to generations before.
3) The Principle of Order (and hierarchy): Anyone born into a family system belongs to it, no matter if they lived a short life, are living today or passed away generations ago. The systemic principle of Order means that everyone has their specific place in the organization of the system and the system works best with the correct order. Grandparent-Parent-Child -> that is the natural flow of love. (The parents take care of the children and therefore they come first in the system, and their parents took care of them, so they would be placed before them). As with children, the first born child takes first place, then the second born, and so on. Young children who live short lives or miscarriages still have their position in the order, despite not being “physically” present. Ancestors belong and play an incredibly important role in our healing. This was one of the major learnings of Hellinger during his time with the Zulu tribe in South Africa.
Examples of of disorder in the system ca be such: A new young boss "replacing" the veteran older boss - this can cause issues in the organization.Also It can be seen it "new families" when a stepmother gets "in the place" of a mother. When the order isn't in place - the system is thrown out of balance.
4) The Principle of Balance of Giving and Taking: All systems strive to live, flourish and live in balance. And a family is no different. The force of life and love is the greater force in our experience on earth. Therefore when order and harmony exists - the love flows naturally through the system. A mother nursing her baby and the child is willing to take it - is a balanced system. A parent gives and the child takes (receive) from them and in return the child "sees" his parents as good - this is way of giving back.
This systemic principle is broken when the balance between giving and receiving is broken, or unbalanced. The restoration of balance and justice in a family system comes by acknowledging the right of previously excluded members to belong; acknowledging those who died young or had a difficult fate; and/or acknowledging victim/perpetrator traumas that occurred. By restoring balance and/or acknowledging imbalances, it brings a new order and equality to the system, therefore allowing love to flow again in a natural and uninterrupted manner.
These system and order theories where also discussed by others in many academic fields and in a most astonishing way - these principles should be restored not only in ourselves and in our families but in nation and countries as well.
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